


I90-MT200

by StarlightCaptivator



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: G1 Silliness, Gen, Human Dickbaggery, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:12:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8005231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightCaptivator/pseuds/StarlightCaptivator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The roadtrip to hell is paved with good intentions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Point A

The Decepticon attack at Black Eagle Dam was, in a word, pitiful. 

There was a lack of coordination in the Decepticon forces that strongly reminded Optimus Prime of young trainee soldiers at war games, and by the time Megatron predictably fell off the dam into the falls that gave Great Falls, Montana its name, half of his own forces were heaped over with raucous laughter. 

Everyone was laughing and jostling and exhilarated, playfully pushing at each other they began to board Skyfire's ramp, save for a couple of his mechs. Sunstreaker and Jazz stood side to side, admiring the dawn view of the 'big sky' the state was known for framed with the falls. Ever moving, Jazz rhythmically gesticulated as he bounced on his pedes and beside him Sunstreaker would nod every few seconds, looking at their surroundings with a contemplative gleam in his optics that made Optimus' spark warm. 

It _was_ a lovely day, and a glance back at the forces getting ready to go made _him_ contemplative. Sideswipe, having accidentally shot the top of his pede when a malfunctioning glass gas rocket veered at the perfect time - right into where Skywarp was teleporting, waved his hand off in an approximation of a "go on" motion. He was still giggling despite having been the only one on their side injured, and Optimus chuckled too as he thought of how Skywarp had plummeted out of the sky, only to knock Megatron right off the dam and into the drink... of course, that 'drink' was the Missouri river and his humiliated retreat call was _just heard_ over the sound of Autobot laughter and the roar of water. 

He sent a ping to the officers already on board that he and two of his three would be taking advantage of the lovely day to take the scenic route home. Several replies telling him to have fun pinged back in turn and when he began his trek over, both Sunstreaker and Jazz were looking back at him with varying levels of open amusement as Skyfire took off.

"We gonna be your rim-candy for the drive back, OP?" Normally Prime would gently object or deflect such talk from his favorite agent, but with just him and Sunstreaker there and no humans about, he figured he could give it a pass and smiled behind his mask.

"Something like that. Up for some sightseeing?" Jazz chirped back a cheery affirmative and started to bound back to the road that would take them back. Optimus looked to Sunstreaker, who gazed out a last time at the falls and the small city surrounding the area, and Prime gently set his hand on Sunny's lower backstrut. "Hopefully Sideswipe can join us for another day trip like this some time soon." He assured, with the tiniest flicker of guilt that the four of them hadn't really had a _chance_ to spend time together just _being_ for a while.

Sunstreaker snorted and his posture shifted, arms crossing. "It's not that." He groused. "Hound's photography of this area is fragging _terrible_." 

Optimus resisted the urge to chuckle again. Ah yes, this wasn't to be a leisure trip back to the Ark, no; instead it was a very serious artistic mission to right the wrongs committed by their resident naturalist. 

Jazz beeped his horn impatiently in the distance and Optimus couldn't help the spring in his step as he and Sunstreaker walked to meet him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I blame the #fanfic_discussion channel and the regulars there for this short work entirely. The ideas held within the second chapter are the sole reason this exists |Dc


	2. Points B thru Z

Upon return to the Ark at dusk, one path diverged into three.

Sunstreaker remained in altmode when they got to the entrance, he veered down one hallway in search of his twin while still at speed.

Optimus transformed and continued on his way towards the command center with a hard light to his optics and a stomp in his step usually reserved for the battlefield. Remote-connection comm static filled the air around him as he went and the bot on door duty, Cliffjumper, plastered himself to the wall and Prime went by, only to look over as Jazz puttered up and stopped, still in his alt mode.

He popped his trunk. "Could I get a lil' help here, Cliff?"

Cliffjumper blinked owlishly at him for a minute before peeling himself from the wall, subspacing his rifle and scampering over.

Jazz's trunk was loaded down with... apples, of all things. Cliffjumper made short work of the boxes and Jazz transformed after a grateful slump on his tires. "What crawled up _their_ tailpipes... and..... died....." He trailed off as the pair made their way into the light, and the distinctive pocks of human ammunition could be seen on Jazz's frame.

"...Okay, what the _slag_ happened to you three out there!?" Jazz angled a wry look and grin his way, and started speaking.

"Well, 'Jumper, what you hafta understand about _some_ humans... "

* * *

The first leg of the journey was stunning, to put it to a single word. The occasional cloud bobbed by as if suspended in the endless sky, but did nothing to thwart the sun shining down to warm the road and the three autobots in high spirits in turn.

Jazz took up the front and Sunstreaker the back, with Optimus smack in the middle. It made it easy for Jazz to bend the rules and play on his tires as he liked when they were away from populated areas and others on the road, as well as for Sunstreaker to slow to image capture that which he found interesting.

And the both of them could keep watchful optics both on their _esteemed leader_ and the skies, in case of attack from above.

Prime initially made noises about having looked after _both_ of them prior to the war breaking out in earnest, but even the fake, good natured grumbling was given up in favor of the feel of the road.

Before too long, the sun was in the sky proper and the trio had passed over into Idaho, having taken the scenic Montana highway to change over to the interstate at Missoula. There'd been some talk before they passed Wye about taking a detour up to visit the Flathead Reservation, but it was concluded that it could be a trip for another day- with all the time taken for this one and all.

They passed into Idaho without incident and a curve out of Montana took them on a winding stretch of Idaho highway, where sunbeams from a part-cloudy sky lit across the seemingly endless steep, tree-covered slopes in dancing spotlights of a most vibrant illumination of color. Spirits remained high into the middle section of the handle, with Optimus receiving gentle, good natured needling from both of his smaller companions when they drove on grades a little steep for his alt.

Spirits and natures remained good an high until they took a detour down a particularly enticing service road that dumped them out at Hayden lake. Those back roads were pretty much devoid of human life, so alt mode was forgone for root. Jazz took to nearly-literally hanging off of Prime's fame.

Sunstreaker remained close too, but on an unfamiliar world full of wondrous sights (for as long as they've lived on it) and without his other half at his side, he was happier to leave a little distance for Prime and Jazz, who had no such compunctions about making up for what he'd see as lost time.

* * *

"No, nope, I'm gonna go ahead stop you there. " Cliffjumper and Jazz were halfway to Medbay after having armed the perimeter's autoguns and transported the apples to the rec room for others to boggle at too.

"I _don't_  need to hear _those_ details- or need I remind you of those fun familial roles filled out in our personnel files?

"Ahhh, you always have been th' _spoilsport_ of the family."

Cliffjumper gave an exaggerated optic roll before motioning for him to go on.

Jazz chortled.

"Well anyways, turns out we stumbled upon a little human settlement, out there in those forests. Sunny called 'em an infestation and I wasn't so inclined to agree until they started to get loud, in that _nasty_  way, you dig?"

"Not exactly, but I follow."

"Well, they'd heard of us and were  _reeeeall_  unhappy with the lil' bit'a tame _canoodling_ that Prime and I had goin' on."

"A logical reaction from my view." It was a dry, joking statement, but Cliffjumper found that dangerous show-smile Jazz could produce in an instant angled at him sideways.

"Theirs too, compounded on the issue they found with _me,_ especially. _"_

Cliffjumper paused a moment in his shock. "With _you?_  Not with Sunstreaker?.... or with Prime, since he tends to fumble when caught with hi-"

"Nope, just me. I slotted in to damage control, and Primus' _bearings_ did I have no little amount'a surprise when they started to fling slag _my_ way."

Jazz went on to describe the strange, uniform humans, down to their similar states of inebriation.

Not to mention the weaponry.

"So _my_ method of calmin  em down did just the opposite, and you know how Prime can get in the face of oppressor types n'all."

"Some epithets spewed and a bit of gunfire aimed mine and our way later, we spent a good deal of time making citizens  arrests an' stuffing belligerent, hateful little humans into Prime's trailer to take to local law enforcement."

Cliffjumper stopped once more, and this time Jazz stopped with him, a smile slowly blooming wide on his faceplate.

"...Are you telling me, you ran across some of those obnoxious little supremacist squishies that live in Idaho and cleaned them out."

"And _this time_  wasn't even intentional."

Cliffjumper stared at him a moment longer before shaking his helm. "Unbe _lieva_ ble. Well, let's get you to medbay before someone _else_ spots you and gets _needlessly concerned_."

" _Ooh_  Cliffie, that's cold." But Jazz was still smiling one of his warm and friendly smiles and he motioned down the hall. 

Cliffjumper accompanied Jazz to the door of Medbay as he spoke on about the dealings with the federal authorities and how Prime was likely in communication with United States officials even then, based on what he had learned about the humans they took in and how they acted in the trailer. 

He stopped just outside Medbay and put his hand on Jazz's arm before he could go ahead. There had to be a _little_ more to the story that Jazz was telling. 

"So, what was with all the apples you brought back?"

Jazz let out a theatrical sigh as Medbay's doors opened, slumped about the shoulders and gave Cliffjumper _quite_ a put upon look.

"Mech, you don't even wanna _know_ about Washington state and their damn apples."

And then, Jazz was through the doors and out of sight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand we're done. This rose from chats about how little Optimus Prime would tolerate fascist sorts if he ran across them in the late nineties- early two-thousands when the ones in the PNW were active. ~~With the current political climate especially, I feel this piece is especially heartwarming ~~|,D~~~~
> 
>    
>   
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
